A few weeks ago, a friend told me she was working on understanding the difference between giving up and surrender. Of course, I immediately told her the correct answer and the only right way to think about it. I’m helpful like that.
For the past ten years living on the compound here, I have fantasized about being a successful, productive gardener with a bountiful harvest of vegetables. Each of those ten years has brought frustration and a meager harvest. Among the reasons for the lack of success include illness, too much compost, hail, heavy rain, late freezes and extreme heat, and bags of empty promises for a good harvest from the garden department. I have googled, YouTubed, read books, solicited advice from neighbors, prayed and whined about it. I’ve done container, above ground and in ground gardening. I’ve tried just about everything short of giving my right arm.
This year as the growing season began to wane, I made the decision that this will be my last year. I am giving up the dream I had of being Mrs. Green Jeans. Every year starts with a lot of work, creativity and money. And each year ends with disappointment. I gave up watering about late July, as I watched a near plague of grasshoppers chew everything to oblivion.
The garden has been my dream and work for the summer. My husband Dave works on other projects around the compound, helps me when I need it, but it was pretty much my dream.
I also have some raspberries and strawberries, which made beautiful vines and leaves, and this year gave me 3 strawberries. Did I mention racoons, squirrels, skunks, birds and deer? There’s a ten foot fence around the garden, so I did manage to keep the deer at bay, but someone enjoyed a lot of berries. And the marigolds and morning glories were stripped clean also by the grasshoppers. By the way, none of the home remedies and sprays worked to discourage them.
I gave up early this year. My faithful husband Dave did not. He continued to water the chewed scraggly dying plants. I quit even going through my garden gate to see how things were progressing. I blurred my eyes when I looked out my kitchen window at the garden, not wanting to see the tragic death of my dreams. It’s now September, leaves are turning and beginning to fall. Its officially too late to hope.
I gave up. Dave and the garden did not. Because Dave decided to pick up the watering chore, I later harvested one delicious cucumber and a huge bowl of cherry tomatoes.
As I munched on sweet little red cherry tomatoes, I began to think about my friend’s search for the difference between giving up and surrender.
So, I am hypothesizing (making an educated guess) about the difference.
In life there are always gray areas, the space in between black and white. Either my garden was going to fail completely and be a total loss, or it was going to be full of huge, luscious vegetables. I forgot to look at the actual harvest and see the journey.
I found a quote “Gardening is therapy even if you kill everything.” I forgot the beautiful cool early mornings out in the garden, tending it with love and hope, finding new shoots, tying up falling vines, knowing you are giving life-giving water.
Giving up is hopelessness and despair. It is a death-giving “black”. There’s no hope, no chance to see the actual harvest, the final outcome. It is a decision that says there is no other alternative. Giving up feels intense and extreme because it is a black and white scenario, there is no gray area. It is a final solution. It makes you to let go of something that you were hoping would happen, and it causes you to consider yourself a failure. It makes even what was successful and wonderful seem like a total failure.
Surrender gives a peace that passes all understanding and brings hope and life. Surrender feels moderate or balanced. It can mean you see the black and white, acknowledge that you are powerless over controlling the situation, and lay down the anxiety and striving. It means you accept what is, and find rest from the worry over it. It means telling yourself the real truth, dealing truly with your own soul.
Surrender is the healthy way out.
“Made a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God . . .The Twelve Step program is one way to manage addictions and bring our life into control. These programs have helped millions, there is no disputing that. The steps, the sponsors, the programs, the books, the meetings all help people in recovery.
But until we make the decision to surrender, those in recovery (or in any difficult and confusing situation), can only do so much. Until we surrender, God can only do so much. Stumbling around the garden tripping over dying plants will become an accepted way of living. When we are tired of stumbling, we make a decision. Give up or surrender. Unless I'm forgetting something, those are the only two choices available.
In twelve step programs there’s a term that is often passed around - “dry drunk”. To me that meant that a person was able to control the physical act of drinking and live a sober life. But without the surrender of the mental and emotional components of our life, there is no peace, no ceasing to strive. Constantly battling an addiction, and repeating the words, I am an alcoholic, or whatever addiction that holds someone, is not freedom. Freedom requires surrender, which brings freedom. That’s a redundant phrase, I know, but . . .
I continue to feel that this year is my final year of gardening. And when I made that decision, I felt a great peace and freedom. I surrendered my will to try and control the dirt out back, and to channel my attention into new adventures. I sure enjoyed the last and meager fruits of the garden this year, and I am loving the fact that Dave did not give up. It reminded me of the strength of his character and how he rarely waivers from his tasks. I admire and cherish that about him. We’ve needed that strength so many times, especially now in our last trips around the sun. I’ve learned to surrender some of the control to him, and it tastes sweet.
But, more so, I’ve learned to lay my life at the feet of the One who gave His life so that I have the freedom to give up or surrender. Daily I am healed and enjoy the privilege of letting go, not with hopelessness and despair. But rather with the knowledge and understanding that I can get there from here, no matter what happens.
One of my favorite Pastors, Oswald Chambers, says
"The surrender here is of myself to Jesus, with His rest at the heart of my being. He says "If you want to be My disciple, you must give up your right to yourself to Me." And once this is done, the remainder of your life will exhibit nothing but the evidence of this surrender, and you never need to be concerned again with what the future may hold for you. Whatever your circumstances may be, Jesus is sufficient."
September 13, My Utmost for His Highest . . .(oh man, that's the steadfast watering guy's birthday. How perfect!)
I’m no longer afraid to surrender. If you are stumbling around dying plants, or living in hopeless turmoil and sorrow, surrender. You will find what you are seeking.
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